Finding “True Love,” Beyond the “Suck-Face, Kissy-Kissy” Fake Kind

That’s the type of real love that lasts

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According to the theme song from the 1970s classic TV The Mary Tyler Moore Show, “Love is all around.”

“All you need is love” is what The Beatles have proclaimed for years.

Ditto for the musical duo of England Dan and John Ford Coley who have professed as much, too.

“Love is the answer,” they sing.

But is all this talk and song of true love, well — true?

For some, yes. For others, no.

It’s not about the sex

If you’re just seeking sex, forget it — you won’t find love.


But in what may be your search for real love — beyond the “suck-face, kissy-kissy” kind, sexual intimacy certainly becomes one of the happy pleasurable benefits when appropriately shared. Ultimately, it’s one of the truest gifts two people in love can offer one another.

As for those who have yet to be in love or for those who have not yet known or found the love they are seeking or think they need, the answers as to why this is so, are complex and unique to each situation.

It IS complicated, isn’t it?

Some people just may not yet be tuned into the right frequency for love. Or others may be preoccupied with their careers or focused in other directions, charity work, or possibly even choosing the religious or spiritual life — which many consider the highest form of love — an entirely different kind of love.

But for those who are seeking their truest love, of the maturely romantic, long-lasting kind, just when they least expect it or think it isn’t available — that kind of love is usually there — found amidst even the most challenging of situations — in what may sometimes be viewed as the broken places and spaces of a broken world.

In either case, however, fear not — because each and every kind of true love — and there are many kinds of that one — can fix a lot of broken things — from yesterday, and today.

A little personal past perspective

Years ago, in high-school I, like many, then and still, was confronted with the daily struggles of being a teen, the various peer-pressures, making the grades, etc.

I was a popular kid, but bullied by the less popular and more popular. I was cute and talented, could sing, dance and act, while my of most of my classmates played sports. I was always athletic but, for whatever reason, I lacked confidence in that field. I had the ability to play soccer; I was an excellent swimmer, I enjoyed tennis, and at one point, I could have easily trained as a boxer (my high-school was one of the few that presented boxing as a competitive sport). But I never pursued any of it and instead, pursued girls, to both positive and negative results.

During this time, and a little before, I broke a few hearts, and my heart was broken a few times, too.

Overall, my adolescence was a fine balance, but a tough road.

On the homefront —yesterday and today

Fortunately, on the home front — when I was growing up — there was much love to help buffer it all. I would arrive home from being verbally abused (and sometimes physically assaulted) all day at school, and be greeted by my beautiful mother and father, or an aunt who lived with us, or other relatives who right lived next door — or by more family members or friends who constantly visited the house. In each case, and in each corner, love was waiting for me.

Today, it’s a different world, family-wise. The elder members of my family are gone, and my cousins are spread around the country. So, the love we all once shared so regularly is not that easily accessible.

Meanwhile, too, for a good portion of my young to middle adult years, I dedicated that prime time to caring for my parents in their later years and established my writing career. It took me a little longer than most to find my place in the world, mostly due to my creative pursuits. But I knew that in caring for my parents, love, in any of its forms, from Heaven or on Earth, would not evade or abandon me.

And it hasn’t.

While I have yet to find the true love of my life, I have experienced and been blessed with many happy relationships. And who knows — that one true love may still be out there, waiting for me.

It really, really IS complicated

Any path to true love is different for everyone.

But why exactly is that?

It all comes down to that broken world thing again — where things are not that easily fixed — or sometimes they never get fixed at all.

But every once and a while, at least there is hope — a light shines through the cracks of this world — a healing light that helps to somehow mend those cracks a little bit, if not all the way — but just a little bit.

And in the process, this broken, unfixable world somehow becomes a little less broken — more times than not — by the gift of love.

A good friend recently helped to clarify it all

When we are young, and we are all young once, we are given a model of love. It takes the form of our parents or close relatives or any of those who are closest to us in our formative years. And then, when we become the adults…models of love that others look up to and emulate. We may no longer be embraced by parental love, but we fully welcome and become aware of a spiritual kind of love — and that we are love itself — and that we always have been love.

Smart dude.

The two main things to consider regarding real love

  • If you constantly throw yourself back into relationships (or situations) that never worked the first time, then you need to stop that.


  • The best and most sincere way to love someone is to do so, unconditionally when there is absolutely nothing in it for you.

And that’s about as real as it gets.

Written by

Herbie J Pilato writes about pop-culture, stays positive, and hosts THEN AGAIN WITH HERBIE J PILATO, a TV talk show on Amazon Prime and Amazon Prime UK.

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