My Life In Caregiving

Memories of Loving My Parents

Caring for my parents in their elderly years was the most rewarding experience of my life. I became a better son, a better man, a better human being. At least, I hope I have.

In 1989, I returned to my hometown of Rochester, New York to care for my mother and father, Frances Mary Turri and Herbert Pompeii Pilato, in their senior years. My acting career in Los Angeles had stalled and I began to write, specifically about the classic TV show, Bewitched, of which I was particularly fond. I thought, “Well, I can write anywhere. Why not go back to Rochester and write from there? This way, I can also take care of Mom and Dad.”

In the process, Dad and I grew closer. He would say things like, “Herbie J — I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He was a tough guy, and he always loved me. But I would never have heard such intimate words from him had we not shared caring moments during his final days.

The years passed until 1995 when he died of lung cancer at 83.

My mother had been dependent on my father. Neither of my parents “came from money.” They never learned to be financially secure. And after Dad died, it somehow seemed cruel to leave my mother to fend for herself, even with my sister Pam living close by to help. She had a career and a family of her own, and we both cared for our…